Ten For October

Since it is October and I need filler material until I can get to the theater, here is a list of ten horror movies that should be called a crime against humanity. I'll ignore the obvious options.

10. Friday The 13th

Yes, the classic horror film is on the list. That's because it really, really sucks. It's dull, the characters are boring, the pacing is too slow, the acting sucks, and there's no creepy atmosphere. It's also really, really tame. It might have been something decades ago, but it has not stood the test of time, and thus, is on the list.

9. Saw 2

Keeping in mind that I thought the original Saw was a decent enough movie, we go to the first sequal. It's pretty much a ripoff of the movie Cube. The plot of Cube was that a bunch of people wake up in a giant cube filled with traps that they have to avoid in order to get out alive. The hispanic guy goes batsh*t for no good reason and tries to kill everyone else. The plot of Saw 2 was a bunch of people wake up in a house filled with traps they must beat in order to escape alive. The hispanic guy goes batsh*t for no good reason.

8. Dark Water

It's a silly premise and nothing about the story, characters, or effects saves it. *snooze*

7. The Ring 2

The Ring was a good horror remake that had a suspenseful story and a complex villian. The Ring 2 takes all that made the first movie interesting and throws it away for a more by-the-numbers film with goofy, CGI deer. We also learn Samara may be the child of a demon.

6. White Noise

Firstly, EVP is nonsense and isn't at all creepy. Secondly, this plot makes no f*cking sense. Man becomes a crime-stopper, then tries to stop a murder plot headed by three ghosts. He is then killed by these ghosts while stopping the murder. It's confusing and blah. The sequal would, however, find a way to be worse.

5. White Noise 2

You know what I think of this movie.

4. Resident Evil

Video games should not be made into movies. This one was no exception. It makes zombies boring, and has some horrid CGI for such a big budget film.

3. Pulse

It had everything, ghosts that travel by wireless internet and suck out people's souls, stereotypical black characters, continuity errors, and....um.....bad acting.....ok, so the movie was absurd and laughable and the ending didn't fit with the rest of the story.

2. Saw 3

I nearly fell asleep watching this. It freaked out my brother, since he and a friend of ours were cringing while I calmly ate my popcorn and caught 40 winks as a woman got her chest ripped off. The franchise got worse with each sequal, and now with a new movie coming out (and two more planned after that), it's sure to be worse. And yet, will I be seeing it? maybe...

1. Alien Resurrection

I adore Alien and Aliens, they're two of the greatest sci-fi/horror films ever made. I even have some love for Alien 3, despite being crap, it had its' redeeming aspects. The fourth movie, however, is a disgrace to films and the ugliest pile of steaming sh*t to ever come from a well-written franchise. The story throws logic, characterization, and fun to the wind, giving us a nonsensical story. The main plot points don't even work, how did they get any DNA to clone Ripley out of the furnace after 200 years? Why is her DNA merged with alien DNA? Why did we need to see Ripley have sex with an alien? Gaaaah!

That's that, my bottom ten.