You know how vampires have become romaticized and everybody and their mom wants to be one? If you're entirely unimpressed by this movement, this is the movie for you.
30 Days Of Night opens with a tanker, stranded in the ice, and a mysterious man walking towards Barrow, Alaska, the northernmost point in the US. It's a simple concept, really, and I wonder why nobody hought of it before (even one of the vampires comment on how they, "should have come here ages ago").
I was skeptical about 15 year old Josh Hartnett.....wait, he's not a teen, he just looks like one.....a teenage Keanu Reeves, only he has acting ability. Hartnett really isn't terribly interesting to watch in large doses, but he manages to pull it off once things get going. He isn't given much to work with as far as character, though. I quite literally couldn't tell you any distinguishing characteristics about any of the people in the movie. Nobody really has a personality, and while the horror genre has never been known for character development, it would be nice to at least give them something to stand out.
The vampires are not the seductive, romanticized versions, but more like the feral, bloodthirsty, souless abominations they were always meant to be. This makes them that much more frightening, as their sole purpose for coming to Barrow is to feed on every human there. The leader is the most interesting character in the movie, he's creepy with his slack jaw and slower, more determined movements.
There's also a few conventions, like the woodchipper, you just KNOW something is going to end up in there for a death scene. The ending is actually pretty cool, and the final scene was very powerful.
So, despite some glaring flaws, it's still a worthwhile and entertaining movie.
C+
Sunday, October 21, 2007
Monday, October 15, 2007
It Seemed Like A Good Idea
To call Across The Universe a two hour music video would be generous. Not that a musical based on Beatles songs is a bad idea, even making it a love story wasn't a bad idea. You take seven or eight Beatles songs that can be fit into a coherent narrative and you can make a nice tribute to an incredibly important band....or you can be Across The Universe.
What the movie did right:
It looks real pretty. There are a few amusing Beatles references.
That's about it, seriously.
What the movie did wrong:
Instead of using the actual Beatles songs or having talened artists cover the Beatles songs, let's give the cast the chance to sing. The result may sound like all four Beatles being anally violated, but whatever, we have a fetish for the Fab Four.
Coherent plot? Character development? Creativity? Those things would take up room where we could be sticking more bad Beatles covers! Let's instead use a paper thin, pasted together and contrived story as an excuse to make people listen to these bastardizations of Beatles classics. Let's introduce minor characters that have no bearing on the main story at all. Let's not explain critical plot points or develop ANYTHING. Let's make the main character a guy who cheats on his girlfriend and get the audience to wish that his relationship with the other woman works out. Let's make everyone a cliche.
Bottom line? It sucked.
D+
What the movie did right:
It looks real pretty. There are a few amusing Beatles references.
That's about it, seriously.
What the movie did wrong:
Instead of using the actual Beatles songs or having talened artists cover the Beatles songs, let's give the cast the chance to sing. The result may sound like all four Beatles being anally violated, but whatever, we have a fetish for the Fab Four.
Coherent plot? Character development? Creativity? Those things would take up room where we could be sticking more bad Beatles covers! Let's instead use a paper thin, pasted together and contrived story as an excuse to make people listen to these bastardizations of Beatles classics. Let's introduce minor characters that have no bearing on the main story at all. Let's not explain critical plot points or develop ANYTHING. Let's make the main character a guy who cheats on his girlfriend and get the audience to wish that his relationship with the other woman works out. Let's make everyone a cliche.
Bottom line? It sucked.
D+
Monday, October 8, 2007
Ten For October
Since it is October and I need filler material until I can get to the theater, here is a list of ten horror movies that should be called a crime against humanity. I'll ignore the obvious options.
10. Friday The 13th
Yes, the classic horror film is on the list. That's because it really, really sucks. It's dull, the characters are boring, the pacing is too slow, the acting sucks, and there's no creepy atmosphere. It's also really, really tame. It might have been something decades ago, but it has not stood the test of time, and thus, is on the list.
9. Saw 2
Keeping in mind that I thought the original Saw was a decent enough movie, we go to the first sequal. It's pretty much a ripoff of the movie Cube. The plot of Cube was that a bunch of people wake up in a giant cube filled with traps that they have to avoid in order to get out alive. The hispanic guy goes batsh*t for no good reason and tries to kill everyone else. The plot of Saw 2 was a bunch of people wake up in a house filled with traps they must beat in order to escape alive. The hispanic guy goes batsh*t for no good reason.
8. Dark Water
It's a silly premise and nothing about the story, characters, or effects saves it. *snooze*
7. The Ring 2
The Ring was a good horror remake that had a suspenseful story and a complex villian. The Ring 2 takes all that made the first movie interesting and throws it away for a more by-the-numbers film with goofy, CGI deer. We also learn Samara may be the child of a demon.
6. White Noise
Firstly, EVP is nonsense and isn't at all creepy. Secondly, this plot makes no f*cking sense. Man becomes a crime-stopper, then tries to stop a murder plot headed by three ghosts. He is then killed by these ghosts while stopping the murder. It's confusing and blah. The sequal would, however, find a way to be worse.
5. White Noise 2
You know what I think of this movie.
4. Resident Evil
Video games should not be made into movies. This one was no exception. It makes zombies boring, and has some horrid CGI for such a big budget film.
3. Pulse
It had everything, ghosts that travel by wireless internet and suck out people's souls, stereotypical black characters, continuity errors, and....um.....bad acting.....ok, so the movie was absurd and laughable and the ending didn't fit with the rest of the story.
2. Saw 3
I nearly fell asleep watching this. It freaked out my brother, since he and a friend of ours were cringing while I calmly ate my popcorn and caught 40 winks as a woman got her chest ripped off. The franchise got worse with each sequal, and now with a new movie coming out (and two more planned after that), it's sure to be worse. And yet, will I be seeing it? maybe...
1. Alien Resurrection
I adore Alien and Aliens, they're two of the greatest sci-fi/horror films ever made. I even have some love for Alien 3, despite being crap, it had its' redeeming aspects. The fourth movie, however, is a disgrace to films and the ugliest pile of steaming sh*t to ever come from a well-written franchise. The story throws logic, characterization, and fun to the wind, giving us a nonsensical story. The main plot points don't even work, how did they get any DNA to clone Ripley out of the furnace after 200 years? Why is her DNA merged with alien DNA? Why did we need to see Ripley have sex with an alien? Gaaaah!
That's that, my bottom ten.
10. Friday The 13th
Yes, the classic horror film is on the list. That's because it really, really sucks. It's dull, the characters are boring, the pacing is too slow, the acting sucks, and there's no creepy atmosphere. It's also really, really tame. It might have been something decades ago, but it has not stood the test of time, and thus, is on the list.
9. Saw 2
Keeping in mind that I thought the original Saw was a decent enough movie, we go to the first sequal. It's pretty much a ripoff of the movie Cube. The plot of Cube was that a bunch of people wake up in a giant cube filled with traps that they have to avoid in order to get out alive. The hispanic guy goes batsh*t for no good reason and tries to kill everyone else. The plot of Saw 2 was a bunch of people wake up in a house filled with traps they must beat in order to escape alive. The hispanic guy goes batsh*t for no good reason.
8. Dark Water
It's a silly premise and nothing about the story, characters, or effects saves it. *snooze*
7. The Ring 2
The Ring was a good horror remake that had a suspenseful story and a complex villian. The Ring 2 takes all that made the first movie interesting and throws it away for a more by-the-numbers film with goofy, CGI deer. We also learn Samara may be the child of a demon.
6. White Noise
Firstly, EVP is nonsense and isn't at all creepy. Secondly, this plot makes no f*cking sense. Man becomes a crime-stopper, then tries to stop a murder plot headed by three ghosts. He is then killed by these ghosts while stopping the murder. It's confusing and blah. The sequal would, however, find a way to be worse.
5. White Noise 2
You know what I think of this movie.
4. Resident Evil
Video games should not be made into movies. This one was no exception. It makes zombies boring, and has some horrid CGI for such a big budget film.
3. Pulse
It had everything, ghosts that travel by wireless internet and suck out people's souls, stereotypical black characters, continuity errors, and....um.....bad acting.....ok, so the movie was absurd and laughable and the ending didn't fit with the rest of the story.
2. Saw 3
I nearly fell asleep watching this. It freaked out my brother, since he and a friend of ours were cringing while I calmly ate my popcorn and caught 40 winks as a woman got her chest ripped off. The franchise got worse with each sequal, and now with a new movie coming out (and two more planned after that), it's sure to be worse. And yet, will I be seeing it? maybe...
1. Alien Resurrection
I adore Alien and Aliens, they're two of the greatest sci-fi/horror films ever made. I even have some love for Alien 3, despite being crap, it had its' redeeming aspects. The fourth movie, however, is a disgrace to films and the ugliest pile of steaming sh*t to ever come from a well-written franchise. The story throws logic, characterization, and fun to the wind, giving us a nonsensical story. The main plot points don't even work, how did they get any DNA to clone Ripley out of the furnace after 200 years? Why is her DNA merged with alien DNA? Why did we need to see Ripley have sex with an alien? Gaaaah!
That's that, my bottom ten.
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