The Number 23
o_O
Seriously? That's the most contrived plot I have EVER seen, or at least in the running for that award. The acting wasn't the problem here, Carrey is still doing a good job with more serious roles, but the writings is unintentionally funny. There's also a few plot holes and leaps of logic towards the end that are eyeroll worthy.
300
I've seen this a few times now, and every time it feels longer and more boring. The overuse of slow motion, the pretentious narration, the cheesy acting, the monotonous battle scenes, *yawn*. I'll hjand this to the movie, it looks pretty cool. But the intense homoerotic undertones of the movie make it hard to take too seriously.
Semi-Pro
I love Will Ferrel, in just about everything he does. He's just so much fun to watch. However, by now he's starting to wear thin, playing the same idiot manchild in most of his movies. He's shown that he's a great actor and has quite a bit of range, now if he would just USE it more. Overall, this was a funny movie, I liked it, but it's mediocre for Ferrel, who needs a new shtick if he wants to keep being funny.
Ironically, his stuff on Funny Or Die is excellent.
B-
Sunday, April 6, 2008
Tuesday, December 11, 2007
Revival!
It's been a while, here is the recent movie roundup.
The Reaping
A town beset by the plagues from the book of Exodus? A cool idea, ruined by shoddy writing, bad acting, and major plot holes. I will spare you my rant about how hollywood writer's address crisises of faith and how they need to learn nuance if they want it to be believable.
Believer's
An interesting twist on doomsday cult movies still suffers from problems but is still a decent film in its' own right.
One Missed Call
Creepy until the dead body chases the heroine, then it's pretty silly and derivitive.
Tideland
Acting? Superb. Well-shot? Yes. Well-written? Hell, no! What could have been a moving story ends up just being a seemingly endless parade of disturbing visual after another with no apparent point. Skip this and rent Pan's Labyrinth.
The Reaping
A town beset by the plagues from the book of Exodus? A cool idea, ruined by shoddy writing, bad acting, and major plot holes. I will spare you my rant about how hollywood writer's address crisises of faith and how they need to learn nuance if they want it to be believable.
Believer's
An interesting twist on doomsday cult movies still suffers from problems but is still a decent film in its' own right.
One Missed Call
Creepy until the dead body chases the heroine, then it's pretty silly and derivitive.
Tideland
Acting? Superb. Well-shot? Yes. Well-written? Hell, no! What could have been a moving story ends up just being a seemingly endless parade of disturbing visual after another with no apparent point. Skip this and rent Pan's Labyrinth.
Friday, November 9, 2007
The Upside Of Cannibalism
Are you tired of all that anti-cannibal propoganda? Well, here comes Ravenous to show you the BENEFITS of consuming the flesh of humans.
The movie's setting is creative for a cannibal movie. It's the mexican-american war and takes place at an isolated army fort. The newly promoted coward Boyd is stationed tere and soon a crazy man is discovered who is the last surviving member of a party that got lost and started eating each other. Now we're back in the realm of convention. It is then discovered that he did not flee for his life as he claimed, but ate the whole party. He then goes nuts and kills most of the army dudes. Boyd escapes and survives by eating one of his fellow soldiers. We then get back to the same army base some time later and Boyd is suspected of killing the other soldiers and some new ones who are killed during his trial. It turns out it's just the crazy guy and one of the other soldiers who it turns out isn't dead but became a cannibal. Here is where it gets strange.
The movie asserts that eating human flesh makes you stronger, healthier, and can help you to survive mortal wounds. There's also the small matter of being possesed by a spirit who is always hungry for human flesh, but that's a small thing. There's a big end battle and everyone dies and that's the end.
It's a badly paced movie, as most of the action is over before the halfway mark and the rest is slower than a dead snail. The acting is actually decent due to the prescence of several respectable b-list celebs. The story is more creative than the average cannibal movie despite falling to convention a bit in the first half and the characters that get developed do have some amount of depth. This makes it easier to cheer for the hero, flaws and all.
C-
Oh, I should also note that there are a few places that the soundtrack makes no sense. Like the upbeat music while the crazy guy goes on a killing spree. It's hoe-down time with the cannibals!
The movie's setting is creative for a cannibal movie. It's the mexican-american war and takes place at an isolated army fort. The newly promoted coward Boyd is stationed tere and soon a crazy man is discovered who is the last surviving member of a party that got lost and started eating each other. Now we're back in the realm of convention. It is then discovered that he did not flee for his life as he claimed, but ate the whole party. He then goes nuts and kills most of the army dudes. Boyd escapes and survives by eating one of his fellow soldiers. We then get back to the same army base some time later and Boyd is suspected of killing the other soldiers and some new ones who are killed during his trial. It turns out it's just the crazy guy and one of the other soldiers who it turns out isn't dead but became a cannibal. Here is where it gets strange.
The movie asserts that eating human flesh makes you stronger, healthier, and can help you to survive mortal wounds. There's also the small matter of being possesed by a spirit who is always hungry for human flesh, but that's a small thing. There's a big end battle and everyone dies and that's the end.
It's a badly paced movie, as most of the action is over before the halfway mark and the rest is slower than a dead snail. The acting is actually decent due to the prescence of several respectable b-list celebs. The story is more creative than the average cannibal movie despite falling to convention a bit in the first half and the characters that get developed do have some amount of depth. This makes it easier to cheer for the hero, flaws and all.
C-
Oh, I should also note that there are a few places that the soundtrack makes no sense. Like the upbeat music while the crazy guy goes on a killing spree. It's hoe-down time with the cannibals!
Sunday, October 21, 2007
Strange...
You know how vampires have become romaticized and everybody and their mom wants to be one? If you're entirely unimpressed by this movement, this is the movie for you.
30 Days Of Night opens with a tanker, stranded in the ice, and a mysterious man walking towards Barrow, Alaska, the northernmost point in the US. It's a simple concept, really, and I wonder why nobody hought of it before (even one of the vampires comment on how they, "should have come here ages ago").
I was skeptical about 15 year old Josh Hartnett.....wait, he's not a teen, he just looks like one.....a teenage Keanu Reeves, only he has acting ability. Hartnett really isn't terribly interesting to watch in large doses, but he manages to pull it off once things get going. He isn't given much to work with as far as character, though. I quite literally couldn't tell you any distinguishing characteristics about any of the people in the movie. Nobody really has a personality, and while the horror genre has never been known for character development, it would be nice to at least give them something to stand out.
The vampires are not the seductive, romanticized versions, but more like the feral, bloodthirsty, souless abominations they were always meant to be. This makes them that much more frightening, as their sole purpose for coming to Barrow is to feed on every human there. The leader is the most interesting character in the movie, he's creepy with his slack jaw and slower, more determined movements.
There's also a few conventions, like the woodchipper, you just KNOW something is going to end up in there for a death scene. The ending is actually pretty cool, and the final scene was very powerful.
So, despite some glaring flaws, it's still a worthwhile and entertaining movie.
C+
30 Days Of Night opens with a tanker, stranded in the ice, and a mysterious man walking towards Barrow, Alaska, the northernmost point in the US. It's a simple concept, really, and I wonder why nobody hought of it before (even one of the vampires comment on how they, "should have come here ages ago").
I was skeptical about 15 year old Josh Hartnett.....wait, he's not a teen, he just looks like one.....a teenage Keanu Reeves, only he has acting ability. Hartnett really isn't terribly interesting to watch in large doses, but he manages to pull it off once things get going. He isn't given much to work with as far as character, though. I quite literally couldn't tell you any distinguishing characteristics about any of the people in the movie. Nobody really has a personality, and while the horror genre has never been known for character development, it would be nice to at least give them something to stand out.
The vampires are not the seductive, romanticized versions, but more like the feral, bloodthirsty, souless abominations they were always meant to be. This makes them that much more frightening, as their sole purpose for coming to Barrow is to feed on every human there. The leader is the most interesting character in the movie, he's creepy with his slack jaw and slower, more determined movements.
There's also a few conventions, like the woodchipper, you just KNOW something is going to end up in there for a death scene. The ending is actually pretty cool, and the final scene was very powerful.
So, despite some glaring flaws, it's still a worthwhile and entertaining movie.
C+
Monday, October 15, 2007
It Seemed Like A Good Idea
To call Across The Universe a two hour music video would be generous. Not that a musical based on Beatles songs is a bad idea, even making it a love story wasn't a bad idea. You take seven or eight Beatles songs that can be fit into a coherent narrative and you can make a nice tribute to an incredibly important band....or you can be Across The Universe.
What the movie did right:
It looks real pretty. There are a few amusing Beatles references.
That's about it, seriously.
What the movie did wrong:
Instead of using the actual Beatles songs or having talened artists cover the Beatles songs, let's give the cast the chance to sing. The result may sound like all four Beatles being anally violated, but whatever, we have a fetish for the Fab Four.
Coherent plot? Character development? Creativity? Those things would take up room where we could be sticking more bad Beatles covers! Let's instead use a paper thin, pasted together and contrived story as an excuse to make people listen to these bastardizations of Beatles classics. Let's introduce minor characters that have no bearing on the main story at all. Let's not explain critical plot points or develop ANYTHING. Let's make the main character a guy who cheats on his girlfriend and get the audience to wish that his relationship with the other woman works out. Let's make everyone a cliche.
Bottom line? It sucked.
D+
What the movie did right:
It looks real pretty. There are a few amusing Beatles references.
That's about it, seriously.
What the movie did wrong:
Instead of using the actual Beatles songs or having talened artists cover the Beatles songs, let's give the cast the chance to sing. The result may sound like all four Beatles being anally violated, but whatever, we have a fetish for the Fab Four.
Coherent plot? Character development? Creativity? Those things would take up room where we could be sticking more bad Beatles covers! Let's instead use a paper thin, pasted together and contrived story as an excuse to make people listen to these bastardizations of Beatles classics. Let's introduce minor characters that have no bearing on the main story at all. Let's not explain critical plot points or develop ANYTHING. Let's make the main character a guy who cheats on his girlfriend and get the audience to wish that his relationship with the other woman works out. Let's make everyone a cliche.
Bottom line? It sucked.
D+
Monday, October 8, 2007
Ten For October
Since it is October and I need filler material until I can get to the theater, here is a list of ten horror movies that should be called a crime against humanity. I'll ignore the obvious options.
10. Friday The 13th
Yes, the classic horror film is on the list. That's because it really, really sucks. It's dull, the characters are boring, the pacing is too slow, the acting sucks, and there's no creepy atmosphere. It's also really, really tame. It might have been something decades ago, but it has not stood the test of time, and thus, is on the list.
9. Saw 2
Keeping in mind that I thought the original Saw was a decent enough movie, we go to the first sequal. It's pretty much a ripoff of the movie Cube. The plot of Cube was that a bunch of people wake up in a giant cube filled with traps that they have to avoid in order to get out alive. The hispanic guy goes batsh*t for no good reason and tries to kill everyone else. The plot of Saw 2 was a bunch of people wake up in a house filled with traps they must beat in order to escape alive. The hispanic guy goes batsh*t for no good reason.
8. Dark Water
It's a silly premise and nothing about the story, characters, or effects saves it. *snooze*
7. The Ring 2
The Ring was a good horror remake that had a suspenseful story and a complex villian. The Ring 2 takes all that made the first movie interesting and throws it away for a more by-the-numbers film with goofy, CGI deer. We also learn Samara may be the child of a demon.
6. White Noise
Firstly, EVP is nonsense and isn't at all creepy. Secondly, this plot makes no f*cking sense. Man becomes a crime-stopper, then tries to stop a murder plot headed by three ghosts. He is then killed by these ghosts while stopping the murder. It's confusing and blah. The sequal would, however, find a way to be worse.
5. White Noise 2
You know what I think of this movie.
4. Resident Evil
Video games should not be made into movies. This one was no exception. It makes zombies boring, and has some horrid CGI for such a big budget film.
3. Pulse
It had everything, ghosts that travel by wireless internet and suck out people's souls, stereotypical black characters, continuity errors, and....um.....bad acting.....ok, so the movie was absurd and laughable and the ending didn't fit with the rest of the story.
2. Saw 3
I nearly fell asleep watching this. It freaked out my brother, since he and a friend of ours were cringing while I calmly ate my popcorn and caught 40 winks as a woman got her chest ripped off. The franchise got worse with each sequal, and now with a new movie coming out (and two more planned after that), it's sure to be worse. And yet, will I be seeing it? maybe...
1. Alien Resurrection
I adore Alien and Aliens, they're two of the greatest sci-fi/horror films ever made. I even have some love for Alien 3, despite being crap, it had its' redeeming aspects. The fourth movie, however, is a disgrace to films and the ugliest pile of steaming sh*t to ever come from a well-written franchise. The story throws logic, characterization, and fun to the wind, giving us a nonsensical story. The main plot points don't even work, how did they get any DNA to clone Ripley out of the furnace after 200 years? Why is her DNA merged with alien DNA? Why did we need to see Ripley have sex with an alien? Gaaaah!
That's that, my bottom ten.
10. Friday The 13th
Yes, the classic horror film is on the list. That's because it really, really sucks. It's dull, the characters are boring, the pacing is too slow, the acting sucks, and there's no creepy atmosphere. It's also really, really tame. It might have been something decades ago, but it has not stood the test of time, and thus, is on the list.
9. Saw 2
Keeping in mind that I thought the original Saw was a decent enough movie, we go to the first sequal. It's pretty much a ripoff of the movie Cube. The plot of Cube was that a bunch of people wake up in a giant cube filled with traps that they have to avoid in order to get out alive. The hispanic guy goes batsh*t for no good reason and tries to kill everyone else. The plot of Saw 2 was a bunch of people wake up in a house filled with traps they must beat in order to escape alive. The hispanic guy goes batsh*t for no good reason.
8. Dark Water
It's a silly premise and nothing about the story, characters, or effects saves it. *snooze*
7. The Ring 2
The Ring was a good horror remake that had a suspenseful story and a complex villian. The Ring 2 takes all that made the first movie interesting and throws it away for a more by-the-numbers film with goofy, CGI deer. We also learn Samara may be the child of a demon.
6. White Noise
Firstly, EVP is nonsense and isn't at all creepy. Secondly, this plot makes no f*cking sense. Man becomes a crime-stopper, then tries to stop a murder plot headed by three ghosts. He is then killed by these ghosts while stopping the murder. It's confusing and blah. The sequal would, however, find a way to be worse.
5. White Noise 2
You know what I think of this movie.
4. Resident Evil
Video games should not be made into movies. This one was no exception. It makes zombies boring, and has some horrid CGI for such a big budget film.
3. Pulse
It had everything, ghosts that travel by wireless internet and suck out people's souls, stereotypical black characters, continuity errors, and....um.....bad acting.....ok, so the movie was absurd and laughable and the ending didn't fit with the rest of the story.
2. Saw 3
I nearly fell asleep watching this. It freaked out my brother, since he and a friend of ours were cringing while I calmly ate my popcorn and caught 40 winks as a woman got her chest ripped off. The franchise got worse with each sequal, and now with a new movie coming out (and two more planned after that), it's sure to be worse. And yet, will I be seeing it? maybe...
1. Alien Resurrection
I adore Alien and Aliens, they're two of the greatest sci-fi/horror films ever made. I even have some love for Alien 3, despite being crap, it had its' redeeming aspects. The fourth movie, however, is a disgrace to films and the ugliest pile of steaming sh*t to ever come from a well-written franchise. The story throws logic, characterization, and fun to the wind, giving us a nonsensical story. The main plot points don't even work, how did they get any DNA to clone Ripley out of the furnace after 200 years? Why is her DNA merged with alien DNA? Why did we need to see Ripley have sex with an alien? Gaaaah!
That's that, my bottom ten.
Friday, September 28, 2007
They Are The Aqua Teens, I Guess
So, I'm a fan of Aqua Teen Hunger Force. It works as ten minutes of random weirdness that manages to be consistently amusing.
Not so for the movie. The thin plot doesn't hold up to the 80 minute run time. Not that the show was ever known for having a plot, but random weirdness only really works in short bursts. There were some funny moments, and the revelation that Frylock is a woman trapped in a man's body and thus a lesbian was a nice suprise. Oh well, it's not like anyone will be talking about this movie in the future, and this ws better than when I was forced to sit through the suicide inducing Spongbob Squarepants movie.
D+
Not so for the movie. The thin plot doesn't hold up to the 80 minute run time. Not that the show was ever known for having a plot, but random weirdness only really works in short bursts. There were some funny moments, and the revelation that Frylock is a woman trapped in a man's body and thus a lesbian was a nice suprise. Oh well, it's not like anyone will be talking about this movie in the future, and this ws better than when I was forced to sit through the suicide inducing Spongbob Squarepants movie.
D+
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